A coach's perspective on the Arnold 2017 USAPL Grand Prix

The coach’s take…

I have waited a bit for any type of take. This was Jenn's moment and she didn't need me butting in but, hopefully, you will find this interesting and also learn, not only does the lifter have to learn, the coach does as well and, this meet was no exception. 

The 2017 Arnold was a tremendous experience for our little team of people. Jenn had her husband, Aaron and me in attendance, which was a first. But first, let’s rewind a bit. After nationals, I realized what a whirlwind of a year Jenn had as a lifter and now, we were looking at topping it, so to speak. Let me be the first to say, that is very hard to do. To win your class and be best lifter at the SPF women’s meet and then USAPL nationals is a career year yet, here we are, plotting to do that and more for 2017.

Jenn and I had lots of conversations about goals. I became much more interested in the weekly programming than before so, I gave my input to Aaron about my concerns. I’m always concerned. See, when Jenn wanted to cut to 114, I was not for it. It had me worried. Then I found out it was Aaron’s idea and I wanted to dump him on his ass. Weight cuts like that can be dicey when the person is usually having to cut to make the class above. And of course, as usual, my vision doesn’t always align with the lifters. It’s just a gift, a knack, if you will. I think Jenn would also tell you I had no issue voicing my “concerns”. But, to her credit, she did it and hit some crazy lifts and that was that. I have strongly urged all parties to never do that again…but I digress.Training started slow…slow! I hate time off. I hate it as a coach and a lifter. I’m very much about getting back to business. Yay, you won ok, fun’s over. Now, that is not for everyone and, if I have one regret in my career, it is that I didn’t enjoy it enough. I’d lift, focus on what went wrong so I could correct it and back to the gym. So, while I wouldn’t say I’m lax on this now, I do understand taking a few days…that said, the science is simple, within 72 hours of inactivity, that is 3 DAYS!!!, strength loss occurs and atrophy begins. So, let’s get back to work. And like I said, it started slow. It’s hard to come back from a year like 2016. Everything went well, even when we were conservative, it went well. It’s hard to top it, very hard. Jenn didn't take any time off but, it was slow to get it rolling...at least for me it was...

Once we got in the flow, it started really flowing well. Lifts occurred and many pr’s were set. I won’t go into detail about the training but, it went as well as I could hope. There were a few things that I’d like to share that took place that really make this entire experience very cool.

I’m not sure how far out we were, say 10 weeks. Jenn could tell you. Anyway, I get a message from Shorty saying something to the effect that hey, Rogue wants to come out and do some video of me, is that cool? Well, of course it is! Let me first say, I am not sponsored in any way nor is anyone that trains at the Ogre Compound but, I am a fan and I wasn’t always. But, I have several products and I love them. I had seen some of the videos from the year before of the Road to the Arnold and this is what they wanted to do with Jenn. It was very cool and exciting. Those guys did tremendous work. They made the gym look great, hard to do, they did a great job on Jenn and I was so very proud and happy for Jenn, our team and gym. There was a lot of exposure from that. It was a very positive and pleasant experience. It wasn’t but a few weeks later that I got another message from Jenn. A local Nashville news station wanted to come out and do a piece on Jenn as well. How cool is that? Inside Sports Sunday, Joe Dubin from WSMV channel 4 came out super duper early and filmed and interviewed Jennifer and I. It was cool Joe did a great job and let me say this about Joe, I listen to him almost daily on the radio on the Greg Pogue and Big Joe show. Joe is very much what you see is what you get and I like and respect that and, I’d go drink a beer and/or bourbon with him. That for me, is all I needed so, getting to meet him and talk and hang out and then show him my bourbon collection, cool stuff. All this leads to having some great coverage and positive vibes going into the last few weeks of training.

Jenn hit some really good lifts and everything seems to be on track save perhaps the weight cut. Jenn wasn’t way over but over and went into her typical water cut the week of. All went well the week of, lifts were crisp but, not as dynamic as the previous few weeks but, I wasn’t concerned. It was time to pack up and head to Columbus. Now, the Arnold is a different experience especially as an athlete. The timing is different, the warm up areas are tight and busier than most venues and there is a lot of stuff going on that can be very distracting. It had been a number of years since I had been to the Arnold and once we got to the warm up area, it came flooding back how tight the area was and it was going to be close quarters. Jenn weighed in and weighed in a 122…yikes, that was a bit more dramatic than I wanted. Just the way it goes sometimes. But, weight was made, she was eating and hydrating and we were waiting for warm ups to begin.

Once we got to the warm up area, I had forgotten the chaos of such a tight quartered area. It ultimately was a team effort of all the coaches to get all the ladies mainly on one platform so we could load and spot and smoothly get the ladies through warm ups. I have to say, it was great to see us all be competitive as coaches but, for the sake of the lifters, all cooperate and do what was best for them. Warming up was going good and then they did introductions that seemed to take for forever. Jenn had one last warm up and all went well. It was go time. I wish, at this point, I could remember anything I said to Jenn. I don’t, I can’t remember a damn word. I’ll attempt now to go over the lifts as best I can.

Squat-warm ups went good, everything seemed on point. Attempt 1, 157.5/347.2, wasn’t as crisp as I

wanted but was easy, we went to the planned 2^nd, 167.5/369.2 and it was about the same. She came to hit the world record. She had hit it in training with room to spare. I really thought hard on just going to 170 and securing the weight and to help build the total but, I knew how bad she wanted it and so long as her form was sound, it was a doable lift. I had seen it in training and knew she had it in her…that way my mistake. I called for the record, 174.5/384.7. The load and set up was great. Down she went and started up and looked great and I knew she would stick but, she can grind. Once she stuck, the bar rolled and pushed her to her toes and I knew it was a miss.  Lesson learned, always go with my gut as it had Jenn’s best interest in mind. Still, we were in the hunt.

On to bench…again, everything looked great in warm ups. The opener was 87.5/192.9. Easy enough so I called for the planned 2^nd of 92.5/203.9. She had a wrap issue and the jury alerted the head judge to it and there simply wasn’t enough time to rewrap. She was timed out. Not unlike nationals, I knew she had more in her but, I needed a for sure. So, I called for 95/209.4. I was confident and secure in that and although she grinded a little, it was a clean and solid lift. Another lesson learned. Always check the lifters gear. Even at a raw meet. It’s the little things, the devil is in the details and I simply took it for granted.

On to deadlift…let me add here, all 4 lifters were very close. Heather Connor had an injury that took her out of money contention but, not out of world records. It was crazy how record after record fell and how positive they were with and for each other. Okay, the opener. We planned on 167.5/369.2. It was easy and I felt like this was a world record day for the pull. I called the planned 2^nd attempt of 180/396.8 and it was equally easy. I wanted the bigger deadlift, get the world record and put the pressure on for the 1^st place money but, Jenn wanted to secure the world record total and the total is the priority and I knew she had the record in her but, I went with the call of 187.5/413.3 and that was enough to secure the total world record and second overall. That was my 3^rd mistake. I knew she had the deadlift in her and should have called for it.

With all that said, what a great job by the USAPL, the Arnold Festival and Rogue. It was a very fast paced meet, judging was solid and everyone was great in the back warming up the lifters and making sure they had what they needed. The day belonged to Marisa Inda, 9-9 doesn’t come easy or often and she had a great day. Congrats to her and her coach Chad Wesley Smith. Liz Craven was a very close 3^rd and just a delight to see lift and simply to be around. Heather Connor was 4^th. Now, let me put this in perspective. These 4 had totals that gave them, 4^th through 1^st, a wilkes score of, Heather 4^th-508.65, Liz 3^rd-531.31, Jenn 2^nd with-532.72 and winning, Marisa with-538.06. All the coaches, myself included, marveled and were blown away by these scores. All four were tested as well. Again, ladies, well done and congrats.

As for my part, I have work to do. I have to be better. A better call on squat and an insistence to go for it on pull, may have been the difference maker. I also have to watch and not take for granted anything when it comes to equipment. I will pay attention going forward, you can count on that.

As coach, I couldn’t be happier for Jenn. What she and her counterparts did, was hopefully begin blazing a trail for a pro outlet for powerlifting. It sure is a step in the right direction. The meet was fast paced, well run and judged tight. There was excitement and a great crowd. Records fell and pr’s were set and in the end, she had a shot at winning and that’s all anyone can ask for. As her training partner and pal, seeing her husband Mike there and all her family, was a joy to watch. They support her so much and truly speaks to being “the Gasoline” that she is always referring to. Having Mike, Aaron and myself in one spot at the same time was a great thing and I’m sure, really great for her. I, in turn, got to do bourbon talk with Mike and Aaron and that is always fun for me. All her team mates were constantly checking scores and messaging and I simply couldn’t be more proud.

So, what does that mean now? It means, time to get back to work and we are already in the ending days of the first block---getting ready for the IPF Worlds in Belarus. All of this has been quite an experience and I think Shorty said it best a few days ago once our passports had both arrived, “did you ever think when I walked in the gym door that you and I’d be getting on a plane to Belarus?” I’ll answer this here. At the time, I saw someone that needed a gym and some direction. That’s really it. Did I think she was special? I didn’t know but, I knew by her actions, her words and her eyes that she was damn serious. It has been quite a journey from that day but, there is much more ahead and I’m just blessed to be part of it. All of my girls are special. They all have such a remarkable story and I’m so glad and excited to be part of it. This day, it was Jenn and I’m even more excited about what is to come and watching her continue to grow and continue to improve as a lifter. So, watch and keep an eye out, the best is yet to come.

For all of you that have supported Jenn's efforts by buying a shirt, the messages you have sent to her and even me, thank you, really, thank you. This is something that noone can do by themselves and for those of you that have helped, I feel i can speak for Jenn at this moment and simply say thank you. 

So keep an eye out. I am always posting videos on the Facebook, Insta and Twitter and youtube. Until I decide to do this again, Lift heavy, Train Smart & Eat More Pizza!

Power Your Own: The Definitive Guide

If you've wondered what Power Your Own means, what it stands for, what it's all about.....this is it.

Power Your Own: The Definitive Guide

1. Individual Greatness
All of these are going weave in and out of one another, so bear with me. At it's very core, Power Your Own is about achieving YOUR individual greatness. Whatever that looks like. And you can't do it for anyone but yourself. So cliché right?

When I first walked into to Wade's gym, I had been lifting for a couple of years and had a very clear idea of what my goals were. I am going to make this story extremely short to get to the point but understand that I am leaving A LOT out. There was most definitely some tug of war between Wade and myself and I spent way too much time wondering if what I was doing was pleasing Wade (hint: it wasn't) and if he thought I was a good lifter and if he cared I read so much and tried so hard and all the other things (I can say now that he probably did). I was so caught up in this that I lost sight of my why.

My why is pretty simple. I love this freakin sport and I know that I am capable of topping the charts. Now, that is extremely over simplified and it has so much more to offer than that. However, when I first started, I thought, I can be one of the best and I do chase that...AND I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.

Now, when I got frustrated enough, I remembered my why and then I let the rest go. I went into to the gym and wanted to crush every training session when I knew why I was there. I was there because I was (am) chasing MY greatness and nothing more. I wasn't chasing anyone else's approval, I wasn't chasing sponsorships, I wasn't chasing praise from my coaches or training partners, I was chasing my ceiling. That's my why.

My greatness is only mine. Only I can determine it. Only I can define it. Only I can accomplish it. I believe whole heartily that we all have a "greatness" that exists within us, some of us uncover it, but so much of it gets buried in feelings, fear, pleasing others, self doubt and time!

Holy shit! How much power do we hand over to Father Time on a fucking silver platter?!?! Seriously, THINK of all the things, all the ideas we've handed over because we don't have time (so lame), because we're too old, too young, the timing just isn't right, not enough time, just need a little more time, because it's not Monday, or it's the end of the year.......ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! JUST TAKE ONE STEP. Then do it again.

What is greatness? Greatness is achieving what you know yourself to be capable of. That's how I define it. If that means getting the promotion at work, perfect. If that means benching a plate, love it. If that means stepping foot into a gym, wonderful. If that means not eating bananas for a year, spectacular! I don't care what it is that you want to achieve, I care zero percent. I care that you take the first step. I care that you remain committed. I care that you remember your why. That is individual greatness.

2. All We Do is Win
I wrote a how to guide on winning. I'll hit the high points here. So, we've determined what greatness is, now we win it! Winning is determining what you want to achieve, then making a plan (with dates and deadlines), and then TAKING ACTION. We must, must, must take action. At the end of the day, the actions that were taken are the only things that matter.

Intentions-DON'T MATTER

Efforts-DON'T MATTER

Feelings-DON'T MATTER

Success-DON'T MATTER

Failure-DON'T MATTER

Ask yourself, did you or didn't you? While all of the aforementioned things are great sentiments, they don't really matter.
Great intentions are just that. Intentions; and who the hell remembers those except the owner of said intentions?
Efforts are efforts. Some people try really hard and achieve little success, some people don't try at all and achieve great success, none of that really matters.
Feelings SEEM to matter A LOT at the time, but at the end of the day I'm left with the actions I took because I did or did not let my feeling manipulate me.
Success. DOESN'T MATTER.
Failure. DOESN'T MATTER.

What matter's is what you did! Did you or didn't you? Did you follow your why? Did you become a better person? Did you learn more about who you are? Did you fail miserably and wonder how the hell you got here? Did you become wildly successful and wonder how the hell you got here?

These questions matter because they emphasize the PROCESS! The process isn't laying in bed thinking about all the great things you're going to do. The process is the actions that were taken. The process is where the greatness happens.

3. Feelings Don't Matter 
I am not going to spend a ton of time on this. Repeat after me: ALL FEELINGS GO AWAY. They are not your friend. They are your manipulative, fair weather friend and they will take all of your greatness and not even flinch. They will take perfectly good relationships and destroy them. They will take a great training session and lead you to believe you suck. DON'T BELIEVE THEM. They are fleeting and are drug like. Remember your why, let your insignificant feelings pass over you and don't ever let them in the driver's seat of your actions. Spoken from heart break, poor decisions, and hard knocks.

4. Comparison is The Thief of Joy
We know what greatness is. We know how to win. We know feelings are dumb. Now we must have tunnel vision. The following should be read in your best Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson Voice:
-It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing!
-It doesn't matter what societal standards are!
-It doesn't what your family thinks!
-It doesn't matter where you rank!
-It doesn't matter if your form doesn't look like (insert some random name here)!
What matters:
-Are you taking action?
-Do you remember your why?
-Are you getting a little teeny tiny bit better?

Whatever anyone else is doing/achieving/accomplishing/failing/slacking/ does not matter. Put the blinders on and get after your individual greatness.

You must be your own biggest fan. You must care the most about you. You must hold yourself the most accountable. You must compete. You must bring everything you have to the table. BUT, you must not compare.

5. Be The Gasoline
My children walked in the door a couple of days ago, begging me and/or my husband to blow up cheese puff. Cheese Puff is an inner tube that they have affectionately named and given life to. Cheese puff has been deflated since summer and they found him on their first day of spring break and they were eager to give him life once again.

I didn't blow up cheese puff and nor did my husband mostly, because, well, we didn't want to. We were busy doing things like cooking and laundry. However, I also very adamantly believe in giving children the gift of struggle. I knew they were quite capable of blowing up that inner tube, I also knew that it would require team work, patience, and perseverance.

They came in several more times, each trading off who would come in ask for one of us to do it for them. Each time we refused. I stared out of my kitchen window and watched them take turns filling the inner tube with their tiny lung capacity. I watched cheese puff begin to emerge once again. They were very close. Very, very close.

My daughter walks through the door. Defeated. Before she can say a word we say, "Taylor Ann! Did you see how big cheese puff has gotten?! Did you do that?! Did you and your brother work together to get cheese puff that big? I can't believe it! You're nearly done!"

Her face lit up. She marched outside full of pride and filled up cheese puff with every last breath she had.

The best part of this story, is how proud of herself she felt. I could see in her face. I could see it in her actions. I could see the belief in herself grow. We did nothing for her. She and her brother were 100 percent responsible for that success.

Imagine how big your greatness will get with just the tiniest bit of gasoline? Imagine what a gift you have to give to by providing one little sentiment of encouragement?

This is POWER YOUR OWN.

If you would like to support my journey to Minsk, Belarus to compete at IPF Worlds in June, click the link and grab a sweet shirt!

http://power-your-own10.mybigcommerce.com/shop-all/

For the Love of The Game: 2017 Arnold Grand Prix Recap

I'm not even sure where to start here......so I think I'll start where it started: the end of Nationals. Nationals drained me. I was feeling burnt out going into it and I was running on fumes afterward. The first few weeks back in the gym were terrible. Everything hurt and I felt super weak. So I did what every good powerlifter does and started eating and sleeping and generally slacking a bit in training. Eventually, I felt better. Nagging issues resided and my desire picked up. So did my body weight. It picked up all the way to about 140 pounds. Oops.

So, when I finally came out of the fog and decided on definitely doing The Arnold, I had almost the exact amount of time to make the cut back to my weight class. I considered going up a weight class for this meet, but it turned out that I would have the opportunity to set world records, so I decided to go for it.

Aside from bringing it down to the wire with my body weight, this training cycle was one of the smoothest cycles I've had to date. I hit all my numbers as written and I think I missed two reps the entire time (one was on overhead press, so does that even count?). My anxiety was pretty low and I was feeling confident about openers and planned attempts. But of course there is no coasting into a meet.....just when I think I'm gonna coast, I lose a bit of focus and confidence but I felt physically fine.

For this meet, because I didn't have to win, I wanted to focus on taking some less conservative attempt calls. Typically, I have attempts laid out and then almost always pull back the number on the thirds come game day. I pretty much stuck to this plan of taking heavier attempts; in hindsight, I'm not for it. Ha! Let's just say I've done it both ways, and I prefer getting more attempts rather than risking a missed lift. Not the first time I've learned this lesson.

I was invited to compete in the inaugural USAPL Grand Prix event at The Arnold Classic Sports Festival. The meet was formatted in which we were competing not by weight class but by formula. Something I've been thirsty for since I started this sport. As a competitor, I absolutely loved it. It was small, there was a huge crowd, the competition was fierce, and the hype was real.

I weighed in at 55.56kgs. Light. Lighter than I probably prefer. I did a water cut and this put me at about a five pound water loss when I really only needed about 2.5.

Squats. Squat warm ups feel ok. I was nervous, as per the usual. Being nervous always makes it hard for me to brace and get as tight as I want to for squats. In my mind I'm thinking it's just nerves and my strength will prevail. Opener, feels meh but I say it's fine, again believing my strength will show itself soon enough. Second attempt was much slower than I wanted. I ignore that. Tell Wade it felt fine. He said he was going for it then....I ignore my instincts to lower the planned third.

Third attempt. World record attempt. Miss. DUDE. When I unracked it, it was the best unrack of the day. I just knew I was going to put it up when I walked it out. I came out of the hole strong but pitched forward. I was so close to pushing it back and I felt the bar roll and then I was done. Failed. I knew then it would be a fight for my total goal of 455kgs.

Bench. Bench has been super annoying to me since Nationals. I've been struggling with my set up and chose my attempts pretty conservatively. I planned no risk with bench.  But alas, bench is a bitch even when I try so hard to please it. Opener was no problem. Second attempt, get set up under the bar, ready for lift off and EVERYONE IS YELLING AT ME. I had no idea what was going on but they tell me to get up. My wrist wraps were too high on my wrists. I try to correct but get timed out before ever taking the lift.

Well shit. I absolutely had to have 95kgs or I was as good as dead. I knew that I could get that weight. It wasn't ideal, but I had to make it happen. So we go up. I get it and it's a bit of a grind. Either way, good lift and I am fired up. At this point, I just need to go after the world record total because it's the only thing within reach.

Nothing exciting for deads. Opener, fine. Second, fine. Felt very medium to me. Decided just to get enough for the world record total. All in all, my performance was pretty boring. HOWEVER, this meet was probably the most fun meet I've done for one reason: FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME.

The stage, the crowd, my competitors.....all of it, it was what I crave as a lifter. The ladies I was competing with are all amazing lifters. I wasn't paying too much attention to scores but I do know they were pretty close throughout the competition.

Deadlifts may have been my absolute favorite because the pace was high and our attempts were so close that often times they weren't even changing weights. So much fun.

I know there was disappointment about the lack of live stream but I've got to tell you, the energy on that stage was amazing. As a lifter, I take this sport very seriously (duh). I can't nail down one specific reason why I love it so much. I just freaking love it. This meet, the atmosphere, the other lifters, the crowd, the stage, it felt like the sport had finally loved me back! HA!

I took second place to Marisa Inda who had a phenomenal day going 9/9. Some discussion on the socials about missing lifts and if strength is always the issue which provoked some thought. I say, more often than not, it is not a strength issue. We are all chasing that unicorn of a meet where it all comes together. Body weight, mental focus, attempt selection, equipment mishaps, strength, technique, all these little things that all add up to make the day you have. That's the game. Figuring out how to make it all come together exactly when you need it to. That's what I love and eternally chase.

 

I feel so lucky to have been able to experience this. Of course, there is no magic....I am keenly aware of the amount of work and desire that I have put into this to get me here.

All the thank you's:

My husband. I really just want to thank my husband for being an independent human. He doesn't get his feelings hurt when I obsess over this sport and start to get crazy a few weeks out (or all the time). Where this is a potential breeding ground for resentment and jealousy, he encourages me to be great at something by finding and pursuing his own greatness. He is the most rational person I've ever met and I am so glad he is mine.

My family. I am 34 years old and approximately 12 members of family came to watch me compete. That is something quite special. My Grandpa turned 80 years old on the day I was competing and was sitting in the audience. My nephew is 1.5 years old and he was in the audience. My Mom, my Dad, my sister, my aunts and uncles, friends of the family that I consider aunts, my grandparents. They all traveled, got rooms, woke up early, dealt with the crowds and all in support of me. My family at home that helped with keeping my children loved and taken care of while we were gone. #bethegasoline

Wade and Missy. I'm not the athlete you have to tell to work harder. I'm not the athlete you have to encourage to work on technique or study video. I've got all that covered. What I need is someone to teach me how to be a competitor. I need someone to help me navigate the mental fortitude it takes to compete on big stages and in big meets and deal with big success and big failure. Wade has realized this need and taken it by the horns. Thank you, Missy for being Wade's support system because this can be mentally draining for a person in Wade's position!

Aaron Thomas. When I said I was feeling terrible after Nationals, I wasn't lying. Aaron somehow knows how to write a program to get me out of my own way. Other things I like about working with Aaron are: he is always positive, he allows no room for bullshit, he does not micro manage, he does not ever let me believe that I am a special snowflake and he also makes me really strong! He also came to the meet! It was great to get to spend some time with Aaron. He is exactly the same as he is via text messaging.

USA Powerlifting and Rogue Fitness. Again, a great event and great marketing of the event. Rogue was the presenting sponsor. They came out and filmed a mini documentary of my life before the event and then did a piece of the actual event. I've got to commend them on the final cuts of both pieces, both were very well done. Some of the protocols required to lift in this fed and at this level are a pain in the ass, no doubt. That being said, USA Powerlifting is putting resources into marketing and partnering with companies like Rogue and upholding professional standards that are helping grow the sport. You can't underestimate this. I encourage you to go to their youtube page and check out the coverage of the USA Powerlifting events and share the videos, FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME. If we want more prize money, bigger events, more sponsors, and more opportunities then the sport must reach a large audience and this is a huge vehicle.  

My training partners of course! Team Ogre in the gym and online. Thank you for all of your support and encouragement! All of you that sent messages, made posts, spoke with me in person, thank you a million thank you's.

Not my best meet, not my worst. Happy, but never satisfied. 15 more weeks of chasing the unicorn.

Meet Videos -------> https://www.youtube.com/user/Jenniferannful

The Road to The Arnold is Paved with Gratitude

So some of you may have caught a glimpse of the little bio Rogue did on me as I prepare for my next meet, The 2017 Arnold Classic. I thought the final cut came out great and I am grateful that the light they shed was positive and somehow made me seem special and like I do something that is extraordinary. The response has been great overall, of course there are always a few rotten eggs, but nothing to write home about. The story they told focused on the intricate "balance" of having a marriage, some children, a career, and of course training.

A good majority of the feedback is centered around how "badass" I am for being a Mother and having a career and somehow finding the time and desire to go after these huge powerlifting goals. All of this is good, all of this is positive. Of course I can't help but reflect on what the road to the "Road to The  Arnold" has been like and my reflections took me all the way back to my very early days of Mothering. The evolution of becoming a Mother is near and dear to my heart and new Mothers make me cry my eyes out at the drop of a hat. So I'm going to talk about that a bit.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, Taylor Ann. I had a pretty good idea that I was pregnant a good while before science could tell me. I put off taking the test, because I will be candid and say that this was not planned and the anxiety was real. I put it off until I knew that it was very unlikely that I could get a wrong reading on the test.

On my lunch break, I left my office, stopped by Walgreens to pick up a test and then went to my glorious one bedroom apartment in a hip neighborhood in Nashville. You see, I was COOL. I had a job, I made decent money, had my little apartment, and did whatever I wanted literally ALL THE TIME. If I wanted to go to dinner on Monday, fine. If I wanted to go wander through Target on Tuesday at 8:17pm, done. If I wanted to eat hot fries and drink beer for dinner, great! I was happy with my life, I specifically remember thinking how I should soak this time in because it was precious and not likely to last forever.

I went into to the bathroom of MY apartment, and read the instructions on the test. It said to let the pee flow a little before putting the stick under and then wait 3 minutes and I would have my results. So I followed the instructions to a tee because that's just who I am as a person. POSITIVE. Wait! Where is my three minutes?!?!?!? I needed those! I needed those three minutes like I needed air in my lungs!

And that was the last time anything was ever truly mine.

When you are growing a human, it feels like a pretty important job. It sorta feels like someone's life depends on it. It's terrifying. The moment I got that positive test, my needs no longer mattered. I was serving this little tiny beautiful life and I took the job very seriously.

I don't want to be cynical, but society has somehow managed to take the 40 weeks of gestation and turned it into this period of torture and pain and I swear if women could get an epidural at 20 weeks at a drive through window the line would wrap the earth. I will admit that I had my own moments of resentment while pregnant, and I suppose that's normal.

My heart breaks a little when women get impatient and want to have the baby sooner. It only breaks because I know what is to come! I often say, it's easier to take care of them in there than it is out here. While you are pregnant, you are special. Friends and family pampered me, strangers talked to me (and touched me), people threw parties for me, it was a special time, as it should have been. I felt like a queen. A huge, water retaining, cookie eating queen. It was glorious.

Fast forward to baby having time. The birth of my daughter was long and did not go the way I planned (shocker, I know). I had so much family (gasoline) at the hospital waiting for me to have this baby, that they took up the entire waiting room. They were making friends with the staff, they were ordering pizzas and playing games.

After a long night and a long day, I finally managed to have my gorgeous little baby girl. Everyone came in the room. Someone was holding the baby and they all crowed around as I sit in the bed, alone, looking from across the room as they all coo over the new family member.

Motherhood is hard. Way harder than lifting weights. Way harder than anything I've ever done. When I became a Mother, I struggled with the picture that I painted in my mind of what is was suppose to be like and the vastly different reality that I was living. In the early days I made myself absolutely crazy by comparing myself to this 'ideal' that I quite frankly made up.

In my attempts to make everything absolutely perfect, I managed to bury the woman that lived in that apartment and that was happy with her life. The lines of being a Mother, being the woman before you were a Mother, and being the one that is both are blurry. On the one hand, I loved this little baby more than I can express, I loved the new life she breathed into my extended family, I loved how adorable she was and couldn't believe that I somehow had something to do with.

On the other hand. I was hungry. I was tired. I wanted to do whatever I wanted. I wanted hot fries and trips to Target at 8:17pm. I wanted to feel like myself again. But the truth is, becoming a Mother is shedding one skin for another. You're still you, but different. It took me sometime to learn who the Mother Jennifer was.

Because babies are babies, they don't know how to talk, dress themselves, feed themselves, or tell you thank you. They do cry and not sleep and eat and sometimes not eat and spit up and are very good at sending mixed signals. But, as the Mother, you are their person. You are the person they need the most. It's exhausting. It is a season of serving. It is a season of foregoing your own needs for those of your helpless little child who depends on you for their own life experiences.

After about 12 weeks off I returned to work. At first, it was great. I felt like a human again. I remembered that I could do stuff on an excel sheet. I could answer phones and use my brain to think about things and draw conclusions. That was pretty short lived. I was then hit with the stress and guilt and anxiety of someone else caring for MY baby. Then there was the whole nursing/pumping saga. The stress and pressure that I put on myself to be everything to everyone was too much and I was unhappy. From here, I try to find a combination of working and mothering that will work for my life. My children are 8 and 5 and I think I've finally nailed down the combination that works.

Fast forward to being pregnant with my second child....my Leo. I had moved away from family and was super sad about that for a few months. After that I adjusted and started to feel more confident. The process of moving away from everything I knew somehow forced me into shedding another layer and brought me closer to figuring out how to be me again.

While I was pregnant with our son, my husband started doing crossfit. He would come home and tell me these stories about the workout and how his name got circled because he won. His physique started looking super hot. He was in a good mood. He would talk about the women in the class and tell me how they couldn't do a pull up. I thought, I can do a pull up. So I thought that maybe after I had this baby, I would maybe give crossfit a shot.

I did in fact walk into a crossfit gym. I was terrified that another baby or poop would fall out of me the second I attempted to do anything that required any exertion. I was pretty sure I looked dumb and like a wet noodle at everything I was doing. I was terrified that my shirt would be covered in milk if I had to do any sort of running or jumping. But none of that happened at all. While I was never very good at anything that required endurance....if it required strength, I dominated. I did a push/pull and that was it. I was hooked.

It has taken some time and another move back home and some tears and some fights and few million career re-directions, and scheduling adjustments, and more scheduling adjustments, and early mornings, and late nights to get to this place I am now.....but I am here now.

I am writing this to say that as Mothers, we all face this same struggle. The struggle of giving it all away. The struggle of making the decision to work full time or not. The struggle to do something for ourselves. The struggle to consider our own needs.

Through these struggles, I have learned that I am no good when I am not happy. I have learned that I am a much better Mother and wife when I am well nourished, rested, feel loved, and feel confident. I learned that in order to love my family the most, I must take care of myself first.

I have been very intentional in the last three years of figuring out a combination of caring for my family, making money, and training that would somehow work for all of us. I found that when I defined what was most valuable to me, I could work backwards from there to put everything into place.

I knew that my time was of the most value. I knew that I did not want a position in which I was exchanging time for money. From here I was able to negotiate a position that allows me to work from home and work on a commission. This frees me up to pick my children up from school and avoid wasting my life sitting in traffic or driving across town for hours picking them up from various family members.

Training. Training is very valuable to me, but my time is more important. I train early in the mornings because carving out this niche of time while my family is still sleeping gives me the freedom to train without sacrificing too much parenting time. While I am training, I am free to be Jennifer. All the way just Jennifer. This is very important for the Mother Jennifer to be the Mother. Do I sound insane yet?

Being intentional about what I define as the most valuable to me has been life changing. I am surrounded by others that are also being intentional. I go to a gym at 5am in a man's basement! That means that everyday people go to this man's home at 5am! I am sure there have been times when Wade wanted to burn the gym down, but I assure is he intentional about the way that gym operates. I don't train alone, I train with a team. A whole team of people who have decided that they value training enough to be there at 5am too.

I have a husband who I know is intentionally supportive of my training and competing. I know that he is intentional because I can promise you there are times he wishes I were home in the mornings and that I would just be a normal wife and mother and didn't want to also be a powerlifter. You see, this means putting your feelings aside and being intentionally supportive. This is being the gasoline.

So while it may seem as though I am making a sacrifice and I am doing something extraordinary, I would beg to differ. I face the same struggle every Mother faces. I face the same struggle as the Mother who works full time because she wants to provide for her family or because she is a bad ass at her job or because she just loves it. I face the same struggle as the Mother who works full time in the home and wonders if she is doing enough.  I face the same struggle as every Mother who has the inner dialogue between the woman she was before she was a Mother, the one she is as a Mother, and the one who is both.

I would say that getting up at 3:45am and heading to gym to train is far from a sacrifice and rather a privilege. To have this life that I have built, with the team of people who make it all possible is something that makes my heart burst with gratitude. To be able to care for my children, to have a career, to be able to pursue these crazy dreams.......what a privilege! A privilege that is well earned and well earned day after day.

So love your Momma! Cuz this shit is hard.      

Road to The Arnold

Winning: A How to Guide for 2017

Before Nationals, we were told we could choose the music we wanted to lift to. At first, I hated this task and thought I would just not do it and let play whatever was playing. But I couldn't do that. I knew I'd have FOMO the moment the meet started and everyone else had cool music. So I come up with a playlist, and I was actually really proud of myself for doing it! I'm not a music person, so this was outside my comfort zone. The song that was to play on my second attempt deadlift, the lift that I had planned to put first place out of reach for anyone else was "All I Do Is Win" by Dj Khaled. Now I was having some fun with this but because the song was stuck in my head for the weeks leading up to the meet, I found myself saying it all the time. If I had a meeting at work, before I left the office, people would say good luck, I would say "all I do is win", so you get the idea. It has since been stuck in my head and taken on quite a few different meanings.

Fast forward to after actually winning the meet, all of my family and friends, there's all this buzz and chatter about going to world's and sponsorships, etc. So for a brief moment I get into it, I try to post more, hashtag more, build more of following, send some e-mails, you know important things. Obviously nothing much has come of it as far as a sponsorship goes, not to say it won't or that I've completely given up, but for now, that's where it stands.

The other night with my family, they are asking about sponsorship and make comments like "seems like it would be easy to get a sponsor, just tell them what you've done". That's when it hit me.

I have a small following (and I'm grateful for that), but compared to other athletes that may or may not rank as highly as I do, I'm really just a tiny little fish. I don't train or write programs for other lifters, I don't buy a ton of products or apparel, I'm not all that interactive with other lifters on the internet; I don't schmooze or network. It's just not my bag. I'm really just fine with that.

So I say to my family:

It's not that easy, I don't have much to offer companies. All I do is win.

The good news is I love winning and I love lifting and I love competing and I love getting better and I love my team and my people and love getting to be a part of them getting better. And that's enough for me.

So let's get to the point. What is winning? What do you define as winning? Winning is everything. You can decide that you are going to win anything and everything. Is winning just being number one? Is winning just beating your competitors? Is winning just having the most at the end of the day? Hell no. At least not how I define it.

Winning is taking the little idea that pops into your head and seeing it through. Winning is taking action NOW and not waiting until Monday or the first of the year. Winning is coming up with a plan and working the plan. Winning is NOT beating yourself up when you get off track or miss a rep or have a shitty session or shitty day at work. Winning is leaving all that behind and getting right back on the fucking horse. That's how you win.

Let me break it down for you.

1) Come up with a goal. I know you've thought of one.

2) Now, take it from your brain to real life.

3) MAKE A PLAN, MAKE A PLAN, MAKE A PLAN

4) Write that shit down. Get specific. Include dates.

5) Take action. NOW.
Do not get stuck in the waiting place. The waiting place is a graveyard for losers and ideas that never became anything more than an idea. The waiting place is for quitters. That's not you. You are a winner and the time to win is now.

6) Beware of the feelings.
You will have feelings and they will fall within the range of fear. Self  doubt, failure, not good enough, like you've ruined it, like you suck, like you don't belong, like everyone is better than you. You will have days that you don't have feelings of motivation. Take those feelings and stomp them into the ground. Then stand on top of them as you do the things that you've you planned out to reach your goal despite your sweet little insignificant feelings. Repeat. Do that until you're standing on top of the goal you set.

7) Ignore everyone.
All of your well meaning friends and family (bless them) will question you. All of their little feelings (fear) will come out when they ask you about how it's going and what you're doing to get there. Ignore them. You can teach them how to win by ignoring them and chipping away at your goal.

8) Roll with the punches.
Things will happen. Things won't go exactly as planned. That's ok. It's 100% normal. What's not normal is making the adjustment and sticking to plan. Normal is quitting. Normal is the ever elusive "starting from a clean slate" which is usually the following Monday after a binge of not winning, which turns into the eternal restart.  You're not normal anymore. That alone will put you into the winning category.

9) Do not give one single shit about failing
Failing is absolutely not the worst that thing that can happen. If you follow steps 1-8, failing is not the end. It's only the beginning. The experience of getting after a goal and taking an idea from your mind to real life, that's fucking winning. It's way more bad ass to see someone fail, time after time and their spirit not be broken than to watch someone live some mediocre life and not even scratch the surface of what they are truly capable of.

10) Believe
You must believe in yourself. It is often our own minds that are the hardest to tame. It is hard to think of yourself as doing something great, as being great. It is more difficult to truly let your mind go free and believe that you can accomplish these seemingly far fetched goals. Train your mind to get rid of toxic thoughts of doubt and fear. You already believe that it exists within you because you thought of it on step one, everything else is bullshit.

Can I coin the term "fearlings"? Seriously, fearlings are the grim reaper of the greatness that lies within you and you must defeat them. Every time you defeat them, you win.

So if you follow me and see the hashtag, #allidoiswin, you know my secret. It doesn't necessarily mean that I can not be defeated via competitive powerlifting, I can, and I will be, it's inevitable. It's just not enough to stop me from winning. Winning is choice. I will choose winning every time. Will you?

#allidoiswin #poweryourown

The Notebook (by Annie, not Nicholas Sparks)

My beloved notebook is running out of room.  After this week, I’ll have three more pages, which means I’ve got three more training weeks, which means I’ve gotta get my ass in gear and find a new notebook!  I’ve known I was running out of pages for a few weeks now and knowing I’ll be filling it up soon has got me looking back over the pages from the past two plus years’ worth of training sessions.  The very first entry is from August 18, 2014.  A Monday so it was bench day (and duh, who doesn’t start on a Monday?).  That session was touch & go 6-6-8.  My numbers were 80lbs x 6, 85lbs x 6, and 70lbs x 8.  Its so funny to me now to see that.  Not funny in a “haha let me make fun of myself for being so weak” way, but more of a “oh my gosh, have I really improved that much” kinda way.  My last session of 6-6-8 from a couple weeks ago (according to my handy dandy notebook) was 130lbs x 6, 135lbs x 6, and 120lbs x 8.  The first squat session was 135lbs for 6 sets of doubles and this week’s doubles were at 205lbs.  The first deadlifts back in August of 2014?  165lbs for 15 singles.  This training cycle, I started with 15 singles at 235 (which just so happens to be my 3^rd attempt from that very first meet!). And today was test day, I pulled 330 and was oh-so-close to pulling 340.  Do the math.

                My first real powerlifting meet was in July of 2014 and I started training with Wade Johnson the following month.  Wade said “get a notebook, write stuff down.” So I did.  Of course, I found a cute little spiral bound one with pink flowers and “Believe you can” written on the front because #girlie, but it had blank pages so it served the purpose.  I’ve been known not to follow directions well, but I’m glad I listened to this one. 

Every session since 8/18/14 is written down in there, the PRs, the misses, the days when I skipped assistance, and even the blank spaces where I missed entire sessions.  One thing that I don’t see written down in there though, are meet results.  It just hit me, right now at this moment, I neglected to write down anything related to meet day lifts.  It’s not because I didn’t have my notebook with me on meet day (believe me, it’s ALWAYS with me), but nope, not a single meet lift is written down in there!  It certainly wasn’t intentional, but I wonder why I did that??  Don’t we train so we can put it all together on the platform for the coveted 9 for 9 and big PRs on meet day?  Oh there are entries with projected meet attempt selections written on pages titled “MEET WEEK!” but none of the actual results.  Hmmmm.

I’d like to claim that the reason for this omission is because I’ve always just “embraced the process” of training.  Yeah, that’s it.  I’ve never been upset over a missed lift or a bad session or having to make adjustments because my body just hurts too damn bad and I know all of that is part of it.  That would be a flat out lie.  But maybe, just maybe, I had an inkling of how important the process really is.  Maybe I know how much I like to look back and see progress.  Maybe I’m psychic.  Nah, that’s not it either, maybe it was just a fluke and the natural progression of how things work out and I just did what I was told to do.  We always document the PRs, the big moments, and the highlights, and even if we don’t share them, the lows and the misses are just as much a part of it and just as important.  If it weren’t for the bad days, the good ones wouldn’t be so sweet.  That's really easy to say and type, but pretty hard to accept!

When I look back through the pages, I don’t just see a bunch of numbers scribbled down.  I see my whole powerlifting life with little pieces of real life sprinkled in all over the place.  That week I went on the cruise for Cassie’s bachelorette party?  Yeah, that’s in there, written in as “workout on the boat.”  Or that time I hurt my back coaching gymnastics:  “pulled 135 for 2 singles, couldn’t even put the bar down.”  It’s all in there. My story.  My journey.  My process.  If I try to imitate somebody else’s process, I begin to lose sight of my own journey and my own goals. 

Speaking of goals, I remember when all I wanted to do was bench a plate.  One hundred and thirty five freaking pounds.  Impossible!!  That’s just crazy to want to do that!  But you know what?  I did it.  On July 23, 2015 to be exact (I know because my notebook says so).  Now when I think “All I want to do is squat 300,” I have no doubt in my mind that it WILL happen.  And it will be documented in the new notebook (and probably highlighted and circled with a big pink sharpie).  Imagine the possibilities in all aspects of life when we stop putting limitations on ourselves!  To sorta quote a girl "perceived limitations are BS!"

One of the things Wade always says (a Wadeism if you will), is: “If all I’ve done is make you a better lifter, then I’ve failed you as a coach.”  If all I’ve done is lift some weights, then what’s the point?  If in the process of lifting some weights, I’ve become stronger, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of the “lly’s” then I can look back through the pages and appreciate the process that much more.  My life over the past two plus years has been a rollercoaster. Mostly good, some bad, lots of change and growth and more change.  Training has been one of the constants and so have my people.  Most people don’t understand why we do what we do, and to them, it is just lifting weights.  To me, to us, it’s a way of life.  A lifestyle.  It’s not all that we are, but something that we do.  My little notebook documents that part of my life and helps me remember #allthethings. 

                Moral of the story?  Get a notebook.  Write stuff down.  And when you get hung up on the Insta-Celebs who lift 1 million more pounds than you do (or do whatever it is that you wanna do), flip back a few pages, look in the mirror and make the only valid comparison necessary:  you vs. you. 

You’ll thank me. 

#believeyoucan

#poweryourown

To you, she is a champion...

One of my girls…a team mate, training partner, gym member…but, one of my girls learned, as she will tell you, how to be a champion. And somehow, in the mix of that, she says I helped. She wrote an incredible blog and truly has a voice and I’d not only suggest you read it and the rest of her blogs but, I’d watch, listen and learn.  You might ask, how do you respond to such a post on social media? And the answer is, you don’t, you can’t really so, what to do? Well, I choose to offer my perspective and tell you about my part.

But first, a few things and people to mention.  The unsung hero here is Mike, Michael to her, I call him Mike. Mike is the other half of the Millican parental units to 2 wonderful and delightful children. He works; he takes care of things while Mom is training. He’s also a strong lifter in his own right in weightlifting.  The genes the children have received will soon enough be known. He has an undeniable spirit and in his eyes, you can see the joy that is brought by watching his wife and the love he has for her. He is the glue. It is a wonderful thing to see.

Second, Arron Thomas. He does the programming. That’s right, she doesn’t do my programming. This is a young man, whom I have known since he was little playing football with my son. When I say he is bright, it’s clearly an understatement. You may not know him now but, you will. He is a wizard with putting things together and is open minded and in time, he is going to be as busy as he wants to be. I wish I had time with him in person. He’s one of the people I’d like to work with but, we do what we do and he, he is the brains.

Third, the team. See, many of you are just hearing about Jenn. That’s what they call her. They watch, offer support and honest criticism as they want to see her be that champion she has spoken about in her latest blog. I have a picture in Missy and my house.  It is when they called out the best lifter at the SPF women’s pro/am…Annie, Missy are squeezing Jenn. It is one of those moments that define team and team pride and team sharing. Those 3 competed, hit great big pr’s and had a tremendous day and Jenn got best overall.  The emotion caught and shared in the picture is a constant reminder of the value of your team mates and that your training partners are your most valuable commodity in the gym. They are the foundation.

So, now me…where do I fit in here? I am all the little things in between I suppose. See, Jenn and I have come full circle. When she chose to do different programming, I was pretty shocked. She was making such great progress. I was hurt, even pissed but, she was a team mate, a training partner so, I left it alone and that’s making a long story very short but, with some time, I figured it out. We had lots of talks and it dawned on me how I was to be of best service to her. Jenn will tell you about things that she feels I have taught her or a Wadeism that has stuck and so forth. My job really is not about coaching or teaching or whatever else you may think. My job is to help her reveal the champion she is. My job is to be the constant voice that says, you will do this, not can, not try, DO! You can, you will, you must! See, lifters that compete and are good and, I’m lucky enough to have a gym full of great lifters and athletes, but those lifters don’t need me to convince them that they are good but, the expectations here are much, much higher. Titles, winning, records, all-time records, best overall.  These are the expectations. So, imagine, if you will, here I am and I have this 5’ tall 125 lb lifter that wants to be the biggest lifter of all. How do you stand up to that…week in and week out in training, the responsibilities of being a wife and mom?  Just every day pressures and then when you compete, the expectation is history. It doesn’t ask alot, it demands it. See, I get to see the fear, the tears, the anger and frustration.  I see the moments where she is unsure and then when she’s fired up and the whole gamut that makes her who she is and most of the time, it’s really not easy. In fact, it’s really hard.  So, when she’s fearful, I know she looks to me to quell her fear. Sometimes it’s a subtle word or two or sometimes, well most times, it’s me going wtf Jenn just f’n do it for f’s sake. When she’s angry or upset, I have to be the calming voice of reason. When she’s unsure, I have to be absolutely certain. My job is to dig under the surface of doubt, fear, sadness and anger and reveal all the surface things you, in turn, see as a champion. The confidence, the focus, the ease in which she does things and the smile.

I am simply the guide. I make suggestions, help the lifter scheme, and I’m the proverbial extra hand on the wheel. For Jenn, I call her Shorty, it’s about a little guidance. I don’t lift any of her weights, work her job, and do all the things as a family person that she goes through day in and day out. I am the fractional things that are necessary to make all the cool things work well together and for her and the team, this has helped us be successful.

On this day, I had a great day going into Jenn’s session. Rusty competed in his first national meet and did well and hit some pr’s. Annie went 8-9 and hit a huge 325 pull. It had already been a super good day for the team and I was super happy with how everyone competed. Jenn was nervous, very nervous. So, hopefully, I was calming. I knew once she hit her 3^rd squat, it would just be about building the total. I won’t bore you with a blow by blow account. It is blurry anyway. But, I was surprised when she got called for her fanny on her opener but, I knew I needed her to have momentum, even if it was 2.5 kg’s so, I went up. Usually, I’m adamant about repeating but, this was to be a championship performance and repeating would not do. Once she hit her 2^nd and her 3^rd bench, I knew it was over. Noone would be able to total enough. Noone would be able to pull enough to nudge her on the total. We had run a myriad of emotions and energies. In the end, Jenn not only became the 2016 57kg national champion, she took best overall lifter. For many, they will see this as just lifting weights but, for us, it’s a way of life and for those of us that know Shorty, this is of no surprise or shock. Simply, she revealed to everyone this year the champion we’ve always known.

My highlight was three fold. When she hit the last pull and we knew it was done, she ran off the platform and leaped into Mike’s, her husband’s arms. She has a great picture of it and I know that sense of elation and for the two of them to share it, priceless. 

The second was simply having a beer and bourbon with my team mate. To you, she’s a champion but, to me, she’s my little buddy Shorty and I got to be there and witness it. Not the end result but all the stuff in between the beginning and then to the finished last lift. And last, prior to the meet, the messages back and forth talking about attempts, the sheet with white out and the back and forth about her goals, then doubts , then more numbers and changes and more white out and then her greatest gift to me. Simply put, her trust and for me, that is truly golden. 

So, to you, she is Jennifer Millican and she is the 2016 USAPL 57kg national champ and best overall lifter and to me, she is Shorty. So, to my little buddy Shorty! We are not surprised, not even a little. While I am proud for you, I know your best is yet well ahead of you. So, back to it…this is just the beginning…