When the Time Draws Near

When the time draws near

While I’m writing this, understand that the pain I am experiencing is my pain. It hurts and pain is something I live with being a master strength athlete. I have had moments the past 2 days that got to the point that I had to have help getting shorts on so I could go downstairs in the gym. Yeah, pretty defeating and scary to be sure.  It in no way compares to what the kids of Relentless experience on a daily basis. It doesn’t compare to what my Dad went through having brain surgery two months before his passing that never allowed him to once again be in his home and dying without the dignity he deserved. It also doesn’t compare to the cancer, regardless of how it got there, that my Mother passed with only 16 months later.  There are so many out there that know real pain. While this hurts, it still, doesn’t compare.  I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that it scares me. That it seems set backs come quicker and more frequent but, at the end of the day, while very painful, it simply doesn’t compare.

All this said, I know the time draws near where I won’t be Big Wade anymore. That lifting “big” weights are behind me and trust me when I say, I know the feeling of the fall off of strength. Some of it was self-imposed with weight loss and simple life changes and priorities. It is a frustrating process even if you can intellectually see that hey, you are getting “older”. I have embraced more and more my place in strength sports from being more a coach than competitor but, I still want to be big and strong. However, my body is saying my time is near.

So what does that mean? I can’t lift? I am injured 2.5 weeks out of a meet that means so much to so many that I may not be able to lift? It means, to me, I still have to believe. I have to push and this is part of the reason I push myself and the ones in my charge so hard. Lifting, strength and competing, it is something we do, it is not, however, who we are.  I am a Dad to a wonderful son that no matter what is a light and the best thing I ever was part of creating and doing. I am a partner/spouse to someone that gets me and loves me and believes in me and we share a great life. I am a coach to some of the greatest lifters and athletes you can imagine and I am a friend and mentor to many that have given me the privilege to do so.  I am truly blessed. What all this means is, I am down, I feel a little defeated, I am scared and looking in the face of reality. I know that I’ll continue to lose strength, size and simply not be what I once was. However shallow that may be, it is real nonetheless to me but, I know that I can’t stop. I have to try and more, do. A standard was set for me by those that came before me and then the ones in my charge and the path I created is my responsibility to tend. For my parents memory, for pals like Nick “Bully” Busick and many others and for the kids of Relentless, I have to push on. Maybe I have to token everything. Maybe I’ll hurt worse. Maybe something breaks but, if I go down, I go down pushing. I am much more about burning out then fading away. I will use my pain and the pain of others, to push and do my best. When you pray, pray for those mentioned. Pray for them a relief in pain, healing and peace. As for me, I just need the chance to continue to push.

In closing, I know that the road behind me is more than what is in front of me and that’s ok. A great pal of mine always ends his postings with Always Believe, and Frank, I’m with you.  I have the word believe everywhere in the gym and in my house and both Missy and I have it tattooed on our bodies. So, I will push and I will believe that in doing so, it serves a purpose. I got treatment from a teamogre athlete Autumn and will see her again this evening, so for that, I think you. Thanks for the support of Missy and my son Wes who ran the gym last night and Missy again that had to help me put my shorts on this morning. For Shorty giving me a brief peptalk and Annie for encouraging me not to worry and stay moving. It’s these reasons and more why I continue to push, to work and to believe.  I am hurt, really hurt but, I have to go and show and do my very best. It’s the example we have to set for those that are upcoming, the ones that created our pathway and the ones that truly know pain so, today, I will do my best to live Relentless and believe.

I think today, I’ll eat pizza…

Lift heavy, train smart & eat more pizza