The book I read is titled "How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big" by Scott Adams. Scott Adams is most widely know as the creator and author of the comic strip Dilbert. The book is a very good, easy read and has some pretty decent information in it regarding life and how to get the most out of it. Now I will say, if you have read any other books along these same lines, not much of the information is going to be blowing you out of the water. Nonetheless, I would most definitely recommend it to anyone that hasn't read a book of this genre or any young person in college or even high school.
The two biggest concepts that hit hard for me were systems rather than goals and moist robots rather than magic skin bags (I'll explain, don't worry). So let's get right to it!
First, systems vs. goals. This little lesson has been popping up in my life the last couple of years and seems to be a recurring theme. Which is great, because I'm really starting to get it! I've made a couple of posts that touch on this subject as it applies to powerlifting but after reading this book I'm realizing that this can be applied to every aspect of life. The first layer in my discovery of this little lesson was after reading an article by Dr. Mike Israetel (fan girl much?) and competing with a dead arm. All this lead up to (as of right now) the most successful meet of my career.
Goals. Goals are great. I have been the victim of goal setting my entire life. I'll be honest, I'm pretty good at reaching them. Take college for example. I went to college with the goal of getting a degree. That was pretty much it. I got the degree, yes, but that's really all I got. Yeah sure, it was a great 5 years, took some pretty cool classes, met some cool people, but not much else to show for it. I had a goal of running a half marathon. Did it. Did I become a great runner? Nope (thanks be to God). I could go on like this for miles of mediocre accomplishments. The point is that goal setting indicates a beginning and an end. You see, for me, the middle didn't matter much. It was only a matter of checking it off my list and moving on. As Scott Adams says:
"to put it bluntly, goals are for losers."
And it's so freakin true! Ugh. I'm so mad. I am like so good at cramming everything in at the last minute and reaching the "goal" by sheer will and determination. Now, we can get all into semantics if you want......but nevermind, because I don't want. The point is, using systems rather than goals indicates an ongoing process. It doesn't end. Instead of thinking, "I want to lose 10 pounds", think "I want to be healthy and happy with my physical appearance". Then you must have a system of doing that. If all you want is to lose 10 pounds, let's say you achieve it, then what? Then it's over and you'll go through all those highs of reaching the goal and then those wear off and then it's like the day after Christmas. Sad. No more anticipation. No more opening those little doors filled with chocolate. No more random parties with friends. No more twinkle lights in your house or houses that line the street. No more goodwill. Just pack it all up and put it away in the attic until next year. BUT, if you can shift your thinking towards systems rather than goals, then the fulfillment that you get out of working towards something can never end. When you're working to lose that 10lbs, you're all gung ho prepping your meals, doing your cardio, and it feels phenomenal to be doing it because you know you're getting somewhere. But once you reach the goal, the process or system of getting there seems to lose it's appeal. This is the part that separates losers from winners. Success from failure. Stop thinking of the 10 pounds, think, you're going to work a system, forever. Will it be so fulfilling day after day? Nope. But what do we know about feelings?
At one point, in powerlifting, all I wanted was a number one next to my name. I've done that. But somewhere in there, I fell in love with the process. I've since adjusted my goals in powerlifting to simply becoming one of the greatest of all time. Simple right? It is actually simple. It's simple because I will work a system. My system is consistently training, practicing good technique ALL THE TIME, and passing on every ounce of knowledge, help and inspiration that I have to give. Systems will reach a far greater audience than any number on the bar or next to my name. I'm willing to bet, it will be much more fulfilling than just reaching number one.
And because I'm such a fan girl, and because this was so pertinent and articulated so well, a quote that really brings it home by Dr. Mike Israetel:
"The two most important ingredients for long term success in lifting:
- Good technique
- Consistency
- Consistency
You'll notice neither of those rewards the ego directly.
Ego rewards ARE important for lifting. But if you let them come from the RESULTS rather than letting them disrupt the process by tempting you into poor technique and the instant gratification of impulsive PR attempts, you get the best outcomes."
Next: moist robots vs. magic skin bags. Now, you may recall, there is no magic fairy dust on the platform or anywhere else in life. Repeat after me, EVERYTHING is an acquirable skill. To what level you will reach it is variable. I am short. I have tan skin. I have brown eyes. I am female. I am in every sense ambiguously ethnic. I have a chronic case of rbf (resting bitch face). I have grown up with people constantly telling me to "smile", which still to this day makes me want to punch people in the face. Almost every person I meet at some point past a few months of knowing me confesses the same confession, "when I first met you, I thought you were a total bitch." That's pretty blatantly judgmental, but whatevs. I am introverted. I am slow to warm. I am not much for small talk. These things I know about myself.
At the ripe age of 15 I got a job at a pizza place. I was the cashier. I was awesome at it. I was efficient. I moved the line quickly and without mistakes. My drawer was always spot on. Everyone in my line got exactly what they wanted. The drawback was that everyone thought I was mad all the time. I just couldn't understand. Quite honestly, if my manager told me to seem happy one more time I was going to throw the register out the window. I just didn't get it.
Customer service is a skill. It is an acquirable skill. Some people (most) are way better at it than me, naturally. Some people are born likable (all of my in laws) and for some people, it just takes a little time (me). After years of being in the hospitality industry, I've learned that smiling matters (still irks me), but it can also put some money in your pocket. One day, I was like it, fuck it, I'm gonna smile while being incredibly efficient and see what happens. Even though I felt like a total douche bag and unnatural as all get out, I made a conscious effort to smile at people. The weirdest thing happened. People began to appreciate my efficiency. People appreciated it by leaving me bigger tips. From this point forward I began to refine my customer service skills a little at a time. I am supremely confident in these skills present day and I sometimes still feel like that 15 year old kid behind the register. It almost feels like I am tricking people because I am not naturally the person I portray.
I feel uncomfortable smiling for no reason. I feel uncomfortable making small talk about nothing. The point is, I do it anyway. It is absolutely genuine despite the fact that I feel uncomfortable doing it. I have also learned that people don't care for you if you aren't being genuine. When I was 15 standing behind that register I felt hopeless. I thought it didn't matter how good at my job I was, no one would take noticed because I wasn't a naturally smiley or talkative person. Naturally smiley and talkative people were born that way, they were magic skin bags full of smiling and rainbows and talking and butterflies. I know now that is not true. Literally everything is an acquirable skill. Some people WILL BE genetically better at it than others, does that mean that you can't fulfill your genetic potentiatal? Nope. Does it mean that you can limit your bag of skills by believing that something is "just not for you"? Yep. Will you feel uncomfortable in the process? Yep. Will you be a more confident person on the other side? Yeah buddy.
The point is, stop thinking that some people are just naturally born to do what they're doing and start thinking of everything as an acquirable skill.
Stop thinking of yourself as a magic skin bag following a pre-determined destiny and start thinking of yourself as a moist robot who's output is only as good as the input.
This will essentially eliminate all fear in your life. And fear is the mind killer.
So go and be systematic and fearless.