To you, she is a champion...

One of my girls…a team mate, training partner, gym member…but, one of my girls learned, as she will tell you, how to be a champion. And somehow, in the mix of that, she says I helped. She wrote an incredible blog and truly has a voice and I’d not only suggest you read it and the rest of her blogs but, I’d watch, listen and learn.  You might ask, how do you respond to such a post on social media? And the answer is, you don’t, you can’t really so, what to do? Well, I choose to offer my perspective and tell you about my part.

But first, a few things and people to mention.  The unsung hero here is Mike, Michael to her, I call him Mike. Mike is the other half of the Millican parental units to 2 wonderful and delightful children. He works; he takes care of things while Mom is training. He’s also a strong lifter in his own right in weightlifting.  The genes the children have received will soon enough be known. He has an undeniable spirit and in his eyes, you can see the joy that is brought by watching his wife and the love he has for her. He is the glue. It is a wonderful thing to see.

Second, Arron Thomas. He does the programming. That’s right, she doesn’t do my programming. This is a young man, whom I have known since he was little playing football with my son. When I say he is bright, it’s clearly an understatement. You may not know him now but, you will. He is a wizard with putting things together and is open minded and in time, he is going to be as busy as he wants to be. I wish I had time with him in person. He’s one of the people I’d like to work with but, we do what we do and he, he is the brains.

Third, the team. See, many of you are just hearing about Jenn. That’s what they call her. They watch, offer support and honest criticism as they want to see her be that champion she has spoken about in her latest blog. I have a picture in Missy and my house.  It is when they called out the best lifter at the SPF women’s pro/am…Annie, Missy are squeezing Jenn. It is one of those moments that define team and team pride and team sharing. Those 3 competed, hit great big pr’s and had a tremendous day and Jenn got best overall.  The emotion caught and shared in the picture is a constant reminder of the value of your team mates and that your training partners are your most valuable commodity in the gym. They are the foundation.

So, now me…where do I fit in here? I am all the little things in between I suppose. See, Jenn and I have come full circle. When she chose to do different programming, I was pretty shocked. She was making such great progress. I was hurt, even pissed but, she was a team mate, a training partner so, I left it alone and that’s making a long story very short but, with some time, I figured it out. We had lots of talks and it dawned on me how I was to be of best service to her. Jenn will tell you about things that she feels I have taught her or a Wadeism that has stuck and so forth. My job really is not about coaching or teaching or whatever else you may think. My job is to help her reveal the champion she is. My job is to be the constant voice that says, you will do this, not can, not try, DO! You can, you will, you must! See, lifters that compete and are good and, I’m lucky enough to have a gym full of great lifters and athletes, but those lifters don’t need me to convince them that they are good but, the expectations here are much, much higher. Titles, winning, records, all-time records, best overall.  These are the expectations. So, imagine, if you will, here I am and I have this 5’ tall 125 lb lifter that wants to be the biggest lifter of all. How do you stand up to that…week in and week out in training, the responsibilities of being a wife and mom?  Just every day pressures and then when you compete, the expectation is history. It doesn’t ask alot, it demands it. See, I get to see the fear, the tears, the anger and frustration.  I see the moments where she is unsure and then when she’s fired up and the whole gamut that makes her who she is and most of the time, it’s really not easy. In fact, it’s really hard.  So, when she’s fearful, I know she looks to me to quell her fear. Sometimes it’s a subtle word or two or sometimes, well most times, it’s me going wtf Jenn just f’n do it for f’s sake. When she’s angry or upset, I have to be the calming voice of reason. When she’s unsure, I have to be absolutely certain. My job is to dig under the surface of doubt, fear, sadness and anger and reveal all the surface things you, in turn, see as a champion. The confidence, the focus, the ease in which she does things and the smile.

I am simply the guide. I make suggestions, help the lifter scheme, and I’m the proverbial extra hand on the wheel. For Jenn, I call her Shorty, it’s about a little guidance. I don’t lift any of her weights, work her job, and do all the things as a family person that she goes through day in and day out. I am the fractional things that are necessary to make all the cool things work well together and for her and the team, this has helped us be successful.

On this day, I had a great day going into Jenn’s session. Rusty competed in his first national meet and did well and hit some pr’s. Annie went 8-9 and hit a huge 325 pull. It had already been a super good day for the team and I was super happy with how everyone competed. Jenn was nervous, very nervous. So, hopefully, I was calming. I knew once she hit her 3^rd squat, it would just be about building the total. I won’t bore you with a blow by blow account. It is blurry anyway. But, I was surprised when she got called for her fanny on her opener but, I knew I needed her to have momentum, even if it was 2.5 kg’s so, I went up. Usually, I’m adamant about repeating but, this was to be a championship performance and repeating would not do. Once she hit her 2^nd and her 3^rd bench, I knew it was over. Noone would be able to total enough. Noone would be able to pull enough to nudge her on the total. We had run a myriad of emotions and energies. In the end, Jenn not only became the 2016 57kg national champion, she took best overall lifter. For many, they will see this as just lifting weights but, for us, it’s a way of life and for those of us that know Shorty, this is of no surprise or shock. Simply, she revealed to everyone this year the champion we’ve always known.

My highlight was three fold. When she hit the last pull and we knew it was done, she ran off the platform and leaped into Mike’s, her husband’s arms. She has a great picture of it and I know that sense of elation and for the two of them to share it, priceless. 

The second was simply having a beer and bourbon with my team mate. To you, she’s a champion but, to me, she’s my little buddy Shorty and I got to be there and witness it. Not the end result but all the stuff in between the beginning and then to the finished last lift. And last, prior to the meet, the messages back and forth talking about attempts, the sheet with white out and the back and forth about her goals, then doubts , then more numbers and changes and more white out and then her greatest gift to me. Simply put, her trust and for me, that is truly golden. 

So, to you, she is Jennifer Millican and she is the 2016 USAPL 57kg national champ and best overall lifter and to me, she is Shorty. So, to my little buddy Shorty! We are not surprised, not even a little. While I am proud for you, I know your best is yet well ahead of you. So, back to it…this is just the beginning…

2016 Raw Nationals and Your Bullshit Perceived Limitations

2016 Raw Nationals. The recap. This is it.

My training cycle was on fire. I was making lifts that I never imagined I would be making. Like when I hit two freakin plates on bench. I remember when all I wanted was one plate. I was squatting 350 for reps. FOR REPS! It's no secret that I'm a confident lifter, but I was even surprising myself.

Sometime after being on fire, maybe 8-10 weeks out, I started feeling burnt out. I was sick of getting up early, I was sick of rushing, I was sick of my stupid shoulders, I was sick of not seeing my kids, just burnt out. And I was really sick of being in the 57kg weight class! I was burnt out on all the things but I still wanted it. I still wanted to take Nationals. So I trudged forward.

These feelings took a hit on my confidence. I've pretty much always made all my own attempt calls. Some consulting here and there but I've been the one going to table for the most part. I take a lot of pride in that. I was struggling to come up with a plan. I would write down numbers and think, "there's no way". My training was telling me one thing and my brain was telling me a different thing. Perceived limitations.

They announce primetime lifters. I knew I would be on the roster, I didn't know who else would be. After it's announced, I start doing my research. I signed up to do Nationals for one reason, win. So you bet your ass I knew my competition. I was about 80% sure I could take the 57kg weight class. Unless Kelly Lin was sandbagging even slightly, I knew I had it. Then I start looking at Wilks, just in case. I wanted best lifter, but I was pretty sure I didn't have a shot. I look at the numbers. Weird. If I had a pretty good day, I had a shot. I would have to be on point with attempt calls, but I had a shot. While I didn't want to come out and say I wanted best lifter or that I wanted to go after it, I freakin wanted it, bad, and I don't really care who knows it.

If you've read any of my other posts or spent any time with me at all, you know I'm a competitor. I play to win. ALL. THE. TIME. When I first started powerlifting I was desperate for competition. I was looking at all the records and was thirsty to compete with the best. When I would see the records and numbers, I knew I was capable. I knew it existed within me, it was only a matter of stomping my perceived limitations into the ground. Easy to type. Really, really, really hard to do.

Every time I started to doubt myself, every time some toxic thoughts entered my brain, I would repeat to myself "my name is Jennifer Millican and I am a champion". It's sounds silly, maybe even crazy, but you know what? I am officially a champion.

Fast forward to a few weeks out, not exactly sure of the timing. I'm again writing down attempts and struggling.....again. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the pressure, I'm sick of the questioning. I'm sick of it all. I have a good outline of what I'm capable of and what I need. I'm clear about the goals. I surrender. I decide I'm gonna hand over my attempt calls to someone that isn't me. I decided I didn't care about pr's. And I didn't. I really didn't. I officially didn't give one single shit about hitting a pr.

This is where it becomes important that your priorities are clear. It was clear to me that I wanted to win. Nationals was only a step in the right direction. I plan to win IPF Worlds. That is the ultimate goal. I will stand on the podium with an American Flag behind me. Count on it. So the pr's mattered even less.

Suddenly, it became easy. I needed a person with experience, I needed someone who knew what to look at, what to keep up with, what to say, who understood the timing of freakin meet day, and who understood winning. I tell Wade he's in charge. I tell him to make the calls. I sent him the goals, he could handle the rest. Best decision ever. And here's why.

Meet day. Things are weird because I'm lifting at night. So I wake up and then still have a long time before actually lifting. I'm already at weight, so no stress there, it's just a matter of maintaining. I get instructions from Aaron Thomas about what to eat......the instructions are delicious and I'm off to find a pastry. I eat and drink throughout the day and continue to weigh myself, all good. I took a nap, took a bath, did some stretching, watched a movie, holy shit, this is taking forever. I'm trying really hard to manage my energy. Finally it's time to start getting ready to head to the venue.

I get to the venue around 2pm. My friend is lifting then, so I wanted to watch her of course. She does well, seems calm, judging seems fair. My family starts to arrive. The other primetime lifters start to arrive. The nerves start to arrive. Get changed, and now it's time to weigh in. Weigh in. Weigh lighter than I expected. Good for wilks.

In the warm up room. It's 5:30. Lifting at 6:30. Why is no one warming up? Is there a secret warm up
room I don't know about? Whatever, I'm warming up. Second to last warm up. Wade says, "you're 12 out". Ha! Oh well, hit the warm up a couple more times. Feeling good. I took a bajillion ibprophen so no stupid shoulder pain or elbow pain or hip pain. No pain. Sweet.

SO. NERVOUS.

My nerves had decided that I was likely going to bomb out and that everything was too heavy and that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing here. "My name is Jennifer Millican and I am a champion". My nerves had decided that this wasn't worth it. The pressure was too much, it costs too much money and it was all stupid, all of it. Why am I here? "My name is Jennifer Millican and I am a champion".

The bar is loaded. Struggling with my stupid wrist wraps. Jeez. I'm gonna get timed out because of wrist wraps. Stare down the bar. "My name is Jennifer Millican and I am a champion"

Walk up to the bar. Get under it, walk it out. Holy shit. I am shaking all over. This bar is going to shake right off my back. "My name is Jennifer Millican and I am a champion"

347.5lbs. Good lift. 3 white lights.

GAME ON mother fuckers. GAME. ON.

I walk off the platform and my nerves were way worse than I expected. And I'm a nervous person. I say to Wade, "be conservative". He says something in kilos, which I can't remember how much anything is; my brain wouldn't work. I said, "just make the call" and walk away. Insert, "thank goodness I'm not making the calls".

Second attempt, 363 I think? I don't even know. I shifted a bit coming out of the hole, but good lift.

I say to my husband in the back behind the platform. This is fun. And it was, it was fun. I remembered why I love competing. I loved the atmosphere, I loved being around the best of the best.

Wade tells me he went conservative for the third attempt. I knew why. I was in agreement. Third attempt, 167.5 kilos, 369lbs. Good lift.

Exhale. Now all I had to do was win.

Bench has been feeling like crap. I think I mentally block myself from taking a bench all the way through a training cycle but whatever. I'm coasting at this point. I low balled my opening bench attempt by quite a bit (or so I thought), so I was relaxed.

First attempt. 2 red lights. FUCK.

Wade looks at me and is surprised. He says he's going up 2.5 kilos and just to fix it. I was rattled but only slightly. I knew I could fix it. Time only moves in one direction.

I look at Michael before going into my second attempt bench and say "Jennifer Millican 8 for 9" and he repeated it back to me. Are you noticing a pattern? Self talk is muy importante.

2nd attempt good. That's right.

3rd attempt, not exactly where I thought I would be but I didn't care. I just needed to get it. I was again super nervous. I needed something. I walk out on the platform and call for the crowd to give me some noise. EXTREMELY uncharacteristic, but I needed something. I have learned the power in asking for what you need. I asked and they delivered. A bit of a grind, but good lift. 95 kilos. Stood up and jumped in my husband's arms and he said "Jennifer Millican, 8 for 9".

Deadlifts. Coasting. At this point, it's all over but the crying.

Warm ups for deadlifts felt great. I'm a self admitted deadlift hater. But the tides are changing. I'm starting to like it. Starting to count on it. Aaron Thomas tells me he's going to increase my volume on deads and bring back block pulls (aka death pulls) so the romance is sure to die. Nonetheless, 3 easy pulls, definitely more in the tank. Ended with 402. Jennifer Millican, 8 for 9.

I once listened to tail end of a motivational type talk at an event that I was actually doing a team building exercise for. I can't remember the name of the guy doing the talk but he was a retired quarterback and he's the guy that changed my attempt selection strategy. In the huddle he would tell his guys not to think about end zone, but to only think about this play. How are we going to win this play? Nothing else matters but winning this play, right here, right now. He told his players it was about stacking up the plays. It was about winning every play. If you can stack up enough wins, before you know it, you're standing in the end zone.

I did end up winning best lifter. I beat two legendary women. My strategy this meet was the same as my last meet, because there is no magic fairy dust on the platform after all. That strategy is to stack up as many attempts as possible.

"Every attempt I tell myself, all I have to do is win this one attempt, and before I knew it, I was standing on top of the podium."  

Emotions and feelings will use you. Don't let them. It is difficult, because your feelings are real and they are serious, but they will use you up! They will use you all the way to failure and some deep dark places. When you treat life like one big math problem instead of feelings and things that are not calculable, your perceived limitations become bullshit.

Thank you a million times to Aaron Thomas for programming and teaching me a bit about training and math problems and perceived limitations. Wade Johnson for teaching me to stuff my feelings in the ground and just execute the lift.

My husband, for knowing what to say and do and not getting mad at me when I do let my feelings get the best of me. But not for eating all my food, particularly chips.

All my gasoline.

My name is Jennifer Millican and I am a champion.

Officially.