The
Evolution of a World Record Squat: Pleasure vs. Happiness
3 years ago
I started competing in powerlifting. I knew then I would have a world record
squat. It didn’t happen when I thought it would, and not in the way I thought
it would, but it did happen.
I had the
strength from the beginning, if that were all that world records were made of,
it would have been mine at my 2nd meet, and my 3RD and 4th
and so on, but for me at least, there is more to it than just being really
freaking strong.
My first
year of training, I was certainly dedicated, but my training was generally
pleasurable. I would go in, do what I was supposed to do, feel good about my
accomplishments, leave, repeat. At the end of my first year of competing, I had
an 840lb total at 123lbs which ranked in top five totals. I had a 340lb squat,
which ranked number two on powerlifting watch. All very pleasurable. After
this, I took about a month off completely.
My second
year of training, I moved back home to Tennessee and researched powerlifting
gyms in the area. I came across The Ogre Compound which is owned and operated
by Wade Johnson who is familiar with world records. The gym itself is outfitted
with every piece of powerlifting equipment I’ve ever seen on a platform. I talk
with Wade and decide I would like to train there. The drawback sinking in the
back of my mind was the 5:30 AM call time to train. Waking up at 4:00 AM is not
pleasurable, but I figure I’ll deal with it. My training during this year was
different than I was accustomed to and the biggest strides I made working with
Wade are more about the mentality necessary to have on the platform and during
training. Working with Wade and seeing him work with other lifters and seeing
their successes and progress shifted my perspective beyond the next meet I was
going to do. It shifted to the building of a world record squat. I could build
it by consistently training, meet after meet, training cycle after training
cycle. I began to look beyond on the next meet, I began to look at each meet as
a building block to the next one. At the end of my second year of competing, I
had an 865lb total at 123lbs, which ranked number two on powerlifting watch. I
had 345lb squat, which was also ranked number two on powerlifting watch. At
this point, I’m building some momentum. That 865lb total was the tipping point.
I’m person
that reads things or hears things or says things in bullet point fashion. I
have several bullet points that I may say or think to myself as a way
refocusing on the whole picture, as a way of keeping the overall concept in the
forefront of my mind. Some of them I come up with, some of them I hear from
others, some I read. One of those things Wade said to a lifter after getting
red lighted on an opening bench attempt due to technicality. “It’s not about where
you start, it’s about where you finish”…….I decide to start.
My third
year of training gets busy. Powerlifting in general has gotten incredibly busy.
I know those older than me and those that have more years in the books than me
have witnessed the growth of the sport, but even in my short three years, I
felt like I was watching it explode. I’m a woman, so I generally keep up with
the women in the sport, and I was loving watching my weight class become more
and more competitive. Actually every weight class, every division, everywhere
is extremely competitive. Obviously, social media and the almighty internet
have provided tons of resources for training and competing. I begin seeing post
after post about nutrition and the role it can play in your training. I become
interested in all the buzz. Through my interest, and knowing somebody that knew
somebody, Aaron Thomas of SomaFSP contacted me and offered his services as a
nutritional consultant. I then started working with Aaron to get to my weight
class while staying as strong as possible. I was already in the midst of
training for my next meet when I started working with Aaron. I worked with him
for a short 4 weeks leading up to weigh ins. Needless to say, I made weight,
felt great during the cut, and did well at the meet. I totaled 910lbs, you
guessed it, ranked number two on powerlifting watch. I had a 360lb squat, and
yes, ranked number two on powerlifting watch in 123lb weight class. At this
point, I decide I want my training and nutrition to coincide and hire Aaron to
do both.
After some
discussion and thought, I decide I’m going to go for the total record in the
114lb weight class. I officially started training with Aaron’s programming and
begin the cut to weigh in at 114lbs. I had somewhere around 10-15lbs to lose, I
knew it was going to be a challenge, but I was up for it. Calorie restriction,
isn’t that pleasurable. Again, Aaron’s training was much different than I was
accustomed to. Particularly the volume. Doing sets of 5 (which now doesn’t seem
that bad, btw) with relatively heavy weight, wasn’t that pleasurable. Aaron
made it very clear, that the goal should always be to get the reps in. Drop the
weight if needed, but get the reps in, don’t miss reps! Dropping the weight,
isn’t pleasurable, particularly for the ego. At some point during this training
cycle, I read an article by Dr. Mike Israetel regarding goal setting and it
really stuck.
“Use outcome goals to narrow your focus and draw motivation, performance
goals to keep you on track for your outcomes, and process goals for the most
important ingredient of all: actually getting better”
From here, I became obsessed with the process. From
here, foregoing my pleasure in a particular moment, became easier. After 12
weeks(ish) of training, it was finally here. I weighed in at 113.6lbs. I was
red lighted on my 3rd attempt squat at 390lbs for depth. At this
point, I knew it would be a stretch to hit the total record. I ended the meet
with a 945lb total, which ranked me number freaking two on powerlifting watch.
I had a 370lb squat, which again ranked me number two on powerlifting watch.
Being so close to reaching such a huge goal and falling just short, was
disappointing, yes, not pleasurable, yes. That being said, I knew I was better
after competing that day. I knew I was stronger than I was before when I walked
off the platform, and I knew I was hungry for more.
Next meet was to be at 123lbs. Some mental debate here
and there about going back to 114lbs and attempting the record again, but
overall, I didn’t have the fire to do it. Honestly, I felt fine letting it be.
With Aaron’s encouragement, I decide to do a meet without wraps, something I
haven’t done before. I thought it of it as another stepping stone towards
building a world record squat, without much expectation. On top of competing
without wraps, I decide to do it in the USAPL. Having just been red lighted for
depth at an SPF meet, I knew I’d have to make a serious commitment to squatting
deeper. With Aaron constantly reminding to squat deeper, I started building
some real confidence about my depth. At some point, I eventually give in and
look at the records. Turns out, I had a REALLY good shot at taking the squat
record. The further I get into my training, the more it’s shaping up that I
could not only take the squat record, but also the total record. I am doing my
best to keep my mind off of the records and on track with my training and to
just hit numbers I know I’m ready for. As I start my last strength block before
going into deload, I bench 210lbs with a pause, just as planned, on a Monday.
On Thursday, I’m programmed to bench 200lbs with a pause, and I miss. Weird.
Chalk it up to fatigue. The following Monday, a week after I paused 210lbs on
bench, I was struggling to hit 150lbs. FUCK. Something was wrong. After some
attempt at getting it back through chiropractic care, massage, and rest, while
it certainly improved somewhat, I accept that I won’t be benching 200+ at the
meet and I won’t be taking any total records. Bullet point saying (this one
from Chad Wesley Smith), “control what you can, don’t worry about what you
can’t”. I could still squat, and I had control over that.
Meet day, weigh in at just under 122lbs. The current
squat record is 330lbs. My opening attempt is 335lbs. Not completely familiar
with the Fed and the format of the meet, I start warming up, I hit 2 plates
(225lbs), my husband comes over and tells me I’m on deck. FUCK. Bullet point
statement (this one from Wade Johnson), “we don’t lift the weight, we execute
the form”. I walk to the tunnel, bar’s loaded, unrack, walk it out, feels
heavier than I’d like, squat the weight, rack the weight, 3 white lights, and
that’s it, a world record squat. 2nd attempt is good, somewhere
around 350lbs I think, heavier and slower than I want. I go to give my third
attempt. Do I choose my attempt with ego in hopes of a moment of pleasure by
choosing what would be a meet pr or do I choose an attempt I know will be a
challenge but that I know I can get? I choose to let the meet pr go, I choose
363lbs, a weight I’ve hit in training. Bar’s loaded, bar’s heavy on my back,
and my positioning is off, get the squat command, come up, slow and sticky,
stand up, in my mind, “please say fucking rack” as I can feel the bar unsteady
on my back. RACK! 3 white lights. An all time, American squat record.
Happiness; what happens when you forego moments of pleasure. Pleasure is
fleeting, and only lasts a moment and then it is gone. Waking up at 4:00 AM,
not eating cookies and pizza, doing a million reps, competing at less than
100%; these things are not pleasurable. My work, and commitment to actually
BECOME BETTER is happiness. I choose happiness over pleasure.
………..I ended with a 892lb total, which ranks me number
two on powerlifting watch………………………………………………….
